September 19, 2008
Happy Birthday to James Lipton! In honor of his birthday, PPC Hero thought he would give Mr. Lipton the greatest present he could think of: an opportunity to interview a true superhero! It truly was a meeting of the minds. However, the crew forgot to put film in the cameras so there is no actual footage of the show, but here is a transcript from the interview. Enjoy! And get to know our fearless PPC Hero just a little bit better.
James Lipton: What is your favorite word?
PPC Hero: That depends on my mood, James. I quite like snorkel, pantaloon, and discombobulate. Oh, and I like Query because it can be a noun and verb and I really love those kinds of words!
James Lipton: What is your least favorite word?
PPC Hero: SPAM. In email or a can. It’s terrible. And this word is just awful to say. It’s like a sponge soaked in whale blubber sliding off your tongue. It moves slowly, it’s sticky, and leaves a residue of funk and gunk. Much like actually eating Spam.
James Lipton: What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
PPC Hero: Chicks with capes. They turn me on in every way possible. Perhaps TMI? But you know, James, I’m really trying to bear my soul here. If lovin’ chicks in capes is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
James Lipton: What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
PPC Hero: Ad Profiling. AKA Sticky Fingers. I just want to do my thing and sometimes there are certain factions who want my thing to be something else. And then they impose their thing-ness on my mojo. You know?
James Lipton: What sound or noise do you love?
PPC Hero: *click* *click* *click*
James Lipton: What sound or noise do you hate?
PPC Hero: Whining. Not that I’m referring to anyone in particular *coughSEOcoughBoycoughcough*. And the sound of an unqualified click on a PPC ad. Yes, an unqualified click has a certain sound. It is hollow like a drum, but has a brass timbre of a lone note from a bent triangle. And it also sounds like the crying of a child who just realized there is no Santa Claus. That brings me down.
James Lipton: Do you have a tattoo?
PPC Hero: Funny you should ask… I do! Check it out!
James Lipton: What is your favorite curse word?
PPC Hero: Curse words are like my children: I love them all equally. Each of them has their own unique meaning, emphasis. It really comes down to preference. That’s what makes America great.
James Lipton: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
PPC Hero: It would have to be something as awesome as being a PPC super hero. Perhaps President of the United States, or pitcher for the Cubs. Or I’d like to be Batman. I don’t really want to be Batman so-to-speak because, honestly, I think I’m pretty great. But he does have a sweet ride. I have no PPCmobile. I just fly everywhere. Whatever.
James Lipton: What profession would you not like to do?
PPC Hero: Oh wow. Well, the list is pretty long but here are just a few: Flatulence Analyst, Mosquito Researcher, Corn Detassler, Septic Tank Scrubber, and Professional Clown.
James Lipton: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
PPC Hero: Don’t know if you realize this James, but I’m a Super Hero. And Super Heroes never die. So, in that context, this question is mute. Sure, SuperGirl died, and Captain America bit the dust, and the original Flash is no longer with us, Superboy was killed, and Robin was beaten with a crowbar and then blown up in a warehouse.
…Gosh, maybe I need to think about this! Ha! Superman died, but he came back to life! So, take that James Lipton! And that’s what would happen to me! So, what would I hear at the pearly gates, this is what I would hear, ”We love you PPC Hero! Don’t leave! But we understand that you still have work to do on Earth. And you’re awesomeness is just too expansive even for Heaven.” That’s what I would hear.